Enchiladas

Jacob 6:3
"And how blessed are they who have labored diligently in his vineyard; and how cursed are they who shall be cast out into their own place! And the world shall be burned with fire."

Work today couldn't get over fast enough! Despite being on window, the minutes seemed to tick by so much slower than normal. I suppose though that is a good thing since it echoes the level of excitement that I had for my trip to Utah. The flight was tight, but nonetheless I got one of the last two seats (I think) and made the flight.

So here I am in Utah, so glad to be here, and it is just as fun and enjoyable as I'd hoped it would be. As Rachel picked me up from the airport, she informed me that her grandmother had made enchiladas for us, woohoo! A homecooked meal! Beats dining out any day.

Well, it is late, and I am very tired, so I am cutting this short. But a promise is a promise, so here I am, blogging!

Sacrament and such

Jacob 5:41

"And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard wept, and said unto the servant; What could I have done more for my vineyard?"

Institute tonight was wonderful, as always. The discussion was on the sacrament, more specifically Elder Oak's as well as Elder Holldans talks on it. It really helped me gain a deeper perspective on how significant the sacrament is, and that it's not just a weekly routine, but an important, sacred, individual event, no matter how often we may partake of it. I find it enlightening that an apostle of God dubbed it the single most important and significant meeting out of every meeting that the church holds. WOW. There are so many different meetings, classes, conferences, etc. But the sacrament meeting is the #1 most significant. That really struck home with me. Maybe I should practice a bit more on the hymns each week, particularly the sacrament hymns.

Another thought that was presented that made me start to ponder was the following. "Every ordinance of the gospel focuses in one way or another on the atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ." Every single one? There must be far more to the atonement than meets the eye if that's the case. Everything in the gospel hinges on the atonement, points to the atonement, testifies of the atonement, and its importance and significance. And the sacrament is how we partake of the atonement each week. It's how we renew our baptismal covenants. It's how we re-live the feelings we had when we got baptised, every week.

If that is the most important part of the most important meeting we have in the church, shouldn't that also be the most important part of our week? Shouldn't we be constantly preparing to take the sacrament in the way we prepared to get baptised? Isn't that what the sacrament prayers are all about? Remembering Him? Taking upon us His name? Keeping His commandments? If the act of taking the sacrament is so significant, shouldn't we constantly be thinking about the covenants that it renews? Weekly, Daily, Hourly?

It's a lot to think about, and it can be a life-changing thought process if we let it be. This is something I'm going to have to ponder on, and pray about.

*Thinks about tomorrow*

Utah! Here I come!

Core Values

Jacob 4:10-11

"Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.

Wherefore, beloved brethren, be reconciled unto him through the atonement of Christ, his Only Begotten Son, and ye may obtain a resurrection, according to the power of the resurrection which is in Christ, and be presented as the first-fruits of Christ unto God, having faith, and obtained a good hope of glory in him before he manifesteth himself in the flesh."

I have been listening to some really great audio cd's on leadership and self-assessment.  It really helps to get me in the mind set of the way I should be conducting myself at work, and why.  And not only does it help me with the way I should be acting as a leader at work, but we are all leaders in our own right in our personal lives as well, and so I have been thinking along with the cd's in perpsective to my personal life as well.  I can't say that I have anything concrete at this moment in time to expound upon as far as things the cd's have taught me, but that's mainly because I have been listening to them solely whilst I drive.  I need to listen to them on my computer and take some notes.  I don't learn very well when I'm simply hearing or listening to something, I need to write it down, and that act of writing things down is how it imprints onto my brain.  Much like the notes I have been taking abouth the leadership training book that I have been reading.

One of the leadership principles that I jotted down from that book really struck a chord with me when I read it.  "People will not give you their hand until they can see your heart."  That really hit me.  I immediately think of missionary work when I think of that statement.  If the people you are trying to teach the gospel to don't see your face light up, if they don't see your unwavering belief in what you are saying, if they don't see your heart, they are NOT going to give you their hand because they're not convinced that even you believe what you are saying. And if they don't think you believe yourself, why should they believe you?

The same goes with every aspect of our lives.  If we want people to follow or to listen to us, we can't just blow smoke.  We have to show them that we are there for them and with them, every step of the way. This may seem like common sense to a lot of people, but even to those people I doubt they understand that this principle works in all walks of life and not just the ones in which they routinely demonstrate this characteristic.  

And the other statement that has really got me thinking is also an obvious one, but one that can really help people if they wrap their heads around it: "Our values are the beliefs that drive our behavior."  Think about that for a moment.  If we have a value, we act on it. Why do we do the things we do?  Because we believe the way we believe.  Every action we make in life (and these are my own words, not the words of the book that I'm just regurgitating) is a result of something we honestly believe.  If we lie to someone, then we honestly believe that the truth is not the best course of action currently.  If we pull over on the side of the road to help someone who might be stranded, then we honestly believe that person needs a helping hand and we honestly believe that we are the person who can and should help them. If we start a healthy routine in our life, tell everyone about it, and then stop doing it without people knowing, but we lead them on to think we're still doing it... then we honestly believe that misleading people is what we should be doing with our life at that moment.

That's not to say that we will always have the same values and that there is no hope for us if we happen to have a bad value at any given point in time.  But we can honestly trace everything we do in life back to our core values.  And inorder to change a habit, a reaction, an action, we have to change our value that led to that action.  It's much like my blog last night talked about. In order to combat sin, we have to change the way we look at sin as a whole.  In order to combat a bad habit, we have to change the way we look at the aspect of our life that created that habit.  

That is what develops our heart, which is what gets people to listen to us, to follow us, to love us. No one wants to follow a closed book or a locked door. Why? Because you don't know where they're leading you, what's inside of them, or why they do what they do.  People want to follow those who have a passion for something so much that they are willing to jump out of their chairs to share every detail of that passion with everyone that cares to know, or heck, people who don't care to know!

All of this has got me thinking about an even better way to spend my time in my car (because I do indeed spend a lot of time driving).  Instead of work-related audio cd's, instead of classical music (though that's good on occasion as well, mmm chopin), I should get some church audio cd's, make my own, find some to purchase, anything, and spiritually feed myself as I drive. That would definitely help me keep perspective on life and even the small details as I go about my day.

With nothing wavering

Jacob 3:2

"O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever."

The weather today was terrible.  Bad enough that we closed early at work.  Which kind of stinks since I lost about 5 hours of work, which means I won't be getting any overtime this week. But I guess I can't really complain because that's the nature of the fast food industry, and the amount of money that Mike will lose due to the inclement weather is far worse than any financial disturbance I may have.  So there's nothing really worth getting upset over.  I appreciate the wonderful opportunity he has given me to grow in the job that I have, I honestly love every minute of my work, and I thank God almost nightly for the wonderful operator that Mike is because it has given me an awesome job for the last year plus.

However, having the night off was nice.  I got some more reading done out of the book that Andrew gave me to read to help develop my skills as a leader.  Which is a great book by the way, I'm 84 pages into it and I already have about 5 pages of notes!  It also gave me a chance to talk to Rachel tonight whereas I otherwise would not have had much time to.  On tuesday nights she goes to bed right around the time I normally get home from work since she attends the temple at 6am in the morning. So that turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  :)  (If I haven't mentioned this yet, I am so completely excited about this weekend!)

For the first time in a while, I suppose, my mind is finally at peace.  Maybe that's why I haven't felt like discussing as many spiritual topics as I have up until recently.  There's no particular topic that my mind has been drawn to lately, including today.  Life just seems to have reached that stage where I am not consumed by anything spiritually as far as my brain power is concerned.  That's not to say that I'm not still growing continuously and still trying to better myself each day.  But I think I have finally found peace within myself.  Planning for the future doesn't seem to concern me as much any more. Trusting in the Lord is starting to become more a routine than a challenge.  There is always of course the daily struggles with those things that don't come easy, but I think I have found the way to begin combatting those as well.

Not saying it is easy, and I think this is something I have discussed in a previous blog.  But from my experience, the only way to deal with sin in a healthy way when you consider the long term, is not the way that seems obvious.  A lot of people when they view repentance and "overcoming sin" break their lives down into the specific sins they commit.  If someone has a problem telling the truth, they work on their honesty, sometimes to the point where they don't worry about other sins that may be creeping in (like pride, covetousness, etc).  What has really been a moment of awakening for me recently has been the way I have begun to view sin as an entity all its own.

Just because you may struggle with one or a few particular sins doesn't mean that you should ignore things that may be easier for you to deal with.  What I have realized is that it isn't the specific sins that we should be worried about, but the idea of sin itself.  It takes a change of mind set for most people.  People who fragment their lives into strengths and weaknesses.  People who are constantly trying to better specific areas of their lives, often times at the weakening of a different area.  What I have been slowly working on as of late is a paradigm change.  To view sin as an all encompassing entity that should be avoided altogether.  All sin should be reprehensible to us.  Pornography, murder, pride, lust, false witness, all the way down to mere blips of an impure thought.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point, and I still have a long way to go.  But some of the things that I believe have helped me get to this point are:

• Reading the scriptures EVERY day
• Paying attention in church, to EVERY word that is said, and trying to focus on the spiritual aspect of things while I'm there
• The musical diet I have been stringent about, WITHOUT EXCEPTION (read more on that here)
• This very blog/journal that I have been keeping DAILY
• Nightly AND morning prayers
• Attending institute EVERY thursday night

I capitalized certain words in each of those bullet points for a reason.  They show commitment, they illustrate routine and repetition, they show discipline.  These are very important to changing habits and paradigms.  The reason for this is because you are trying to reconfigure the very things you have been hard wired to do and think.  Most importantly in that last sentence is the word think.  "As a man thinketh, so he is."  Thoughts are so powerful, and the only way to change one's thoughts is to replace them with better thoughts (or, you can replace them with worse thoughts as I once did.)

I got thinking, "how did I get to the point where I thought unholy thoughts nearly 24/7 for a period of years?"  And it dawned on me.  The reason that I was constantly having perverse thoughts, the reason I couldn't focus on anything that may have resembled holiness, is because of the constant degrading things that I was doing and listening to.  I was surrounding myself with people that used foul language.  I was watching movies and shows that disrespected women, families, used foul language, and so forth.  I was listening to music that used foul language, that was loud and coarse, that literally drove the spirit away.  I was actively surrounding myself with things that worked against the spirit, not with the spirit, and I did them for a long enough period of time that my thoughts tended to follow that same pattern.

So, in trying to re-wire my thoughts, I realized the only course of action was to put myself in a saturated environment that worked in the complete opposite direction from those things I had previously been surrounded by.  I started only watching movies that I would feel comfortable watching with member friends, started going to church weekly, stopped swearing, started going to institute, started reading the scripture daily, started listening to only uplifting and inspiring music; basically I took all of the activities I was previously doing, and REPLACED them with wholesome counterparts.  And the most important part of that was being diligent and stringent in never letting the other influences surround me for even a day, even a moment.  But surrounding myself with only uplifting influences, my thoughts couldn't help but follow suit eventually, and sure enough, I am well on my way to doing just that.

Instead of the thoughts I once had, I now find my thoughts drifting towards the scriptures, towards righteous options in the future, towards church, towards choir, towards uplifting music, and so forth.

And then I got thinking, "why does this ever have to change?"  Even when I get married and start a family, why do any of the things I have been doing have to change?  Is this not how Christ lived His life? by surrounding himself with the 12 apostles?  By constantly being about His Father's business, by constantly being busy helping and healing and teaching others?  He didn't take "time outs" from life and go listen to the music that the harlots and publicans listened to "just to chill" or what have you.  No, He was adamantly righteous.  He abhorred sin.  His thoughts were so focused on that of righteousness that when an unholy thought came to Him, I imagine it was such a foreign thing to Him that He immediately recognized it and rejected it.

Isn't that what we should all strive for?  Are there times when a thought pops into our head that doesn't seem like "such a bad idea" at first, and then it slowly grows on us as it festers in our mind?  That's how Satan works, he presents an idea that seems harmless, but we can tell that there might be something slightly awry with it at first.  But the more we ponder on it, the less alien it seems.  That's exactly what we need to be actively working against.  We should make our thoughts so focused on holiness and righteousness that when Satan plants a thought in our brain, it immediately feels alien to us, and that's how we recognize that it's of the devil and should thusly be cast out.

Christ lived a perfect life, that means He never sinned, that does NOT mean He was never tempted.  Being tempted is not a sin, people often confuse the two.  Being tempted is a test, and overcoming that temptation is where we show our true colors, that's how we grow and develop. 

Just because my thoughts are beginning to align with those of righteousness does not mean that I have won or that my battle with Satan is over, that's just what he wants me to think.  He lets us get feeling good about ourselves because of how good we've been, and then plants the idea in our brain that we "deserve" some me-time.  Some time to not worry about those pressing matters of exaltation and eternal life.  Those are hard to constantly be wrapped up in.  And that's when he gets us.  Instead I need to make sure that I continue doing those things that have brought me such peace, such joy, such comfort, such wonderful thoughts.  Until they morph into thoughts that I haven't had before simply because Christ trusts me to have even better and more holy thoughts.  The spirit can not dwell in an unclean temple.  To qualify my mind for the presence of the spirit, I must be ever watchful to keep it clean.  The operative word there is ever, never resting, never yielding, always moving forward and in the right direction.

Which brings me full circle to the verse I began this blog with. "O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever."

Pure in heart - there is nothing wavering about something that is pure.  Only then can you receive the pleasing word of God and feast upon his love.

If your minds are firm, forever - again, nothing wavering.  Firmness doesn't break, forever is not a short period of time.  The scriptures speak in such absolutes and with such resoluteness.  We must follow suit if we are to pass the fifth principle of the gospel: Endure to the End.  This means the end, not just most of the way.  Never let your guard down, never stop progressing.  When you stagnate, that's when satan creeps in.

I pray that I will continue down this path.

Not the Jaguar!

Jacob 2:17-19

"Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you.

But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

And after ye have obrained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good - to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted."

Sorry to post so late tonight, but I have a good excuse! (Actually, it's what I'm going to blog about haha.) However, that's not where I'm starting tonight.

Today has been an overall wonderful day.  Started out kind of oddly, but even that turned out to be a blessing in disguise, anyways.  So I got a call (woke me up) from John David this morning at 9:30 (he's the asst. gen. manager at my work) asking me if I could come in early today.  I thought 'hmm, 2.5 hours of overtime pay? heck yes!'  So I jumped out of bed, got showered, and started getting dressed.  As I was doing so I glanced at my phone and noticed that I had received a text message.  Well it was John David thanking me for being willing to come in, but they no longer needed me to.  GRR.  Oh well, I was up now and ready for the day.  So I decided to start reading the book on leadership that Andrew (my general manager) had given me to read.  It's a really good book and a very fast read, I look forward to finishing it in the next couple of days. 

Anyways, right as I got to a stopping point in the book and started thinking about finishing getting ready for work, I got a call from Rachel.  Now, I already knew what this call was going to be about, but I was still overly anxious to answer the phone.  Sure enough, she was calling me to thank me for sending her the flowers that arrived at her door today.  Her excitement about them completely made my day.  I could have tripped in mud, lost my contacts, whatever.. and that still would have made today wonderful!

Work was crazy slow tonight, but I was able to counter part of that by saving a good amount of labor.  In doing so, I often time like to help my crew out by cleaning the dining room for them, and since Misty (one of our team leaders) was working tonight, I was able to do just that because she was able to take care of the financials for the day and relieve me of any back-office duties I may have otherwise needed to do, which makes doing dining room for my crew impossible.  I haven't had a closing partner (managerial wise) in a while so I haven't been able to do that for my employees in a long while, it felt nice to get out there and get my hands dirty for a while so that one or two of my employees didn't have to.  On top of that, we were able to get everything done early and save Mike some labor money.  (Go go bonus! lol)

Anyways, now for the interesting part.. Now, I don't tell this story to toot my own horn, but it definitely is a "blogging-worthy" event that happened, so here we go.  As I was driving home from work, I was almost home when I started going up an off-ramp connecting 183 and 121. Well, as I was making the curve the car infront of me started hydroplaning (it was wet and a bit rainy outside) and he smashed into the side of the bridge!  I was on the phone at the time and immediately ended the conversation so that I could pull over and see if he/she was alright!  As I approached the car a guy about my age got out of it.  He seemed a bit shocked (obviously) but other than that didn't seem to sustain any injuries, serious or otherwise.  As I got closer, I got a better look at the car.  IT WAS A VINTAGE JAGUAR!  My heart sunk a tiny bit, but I quickly shook that off as I started talking to the guy.  

Due to the coldness and the wetness, and the fact that we were on the side of the freeway, I offered to drive him to a quiet and warm place so that he could collect himself and call someone. He thanked me and off we went.  Well, as soon as we got into my car he asked me "hey, I was on my way to work, you think you could take me there? I'm gonna see if they can give me the night off, I really am not in a working mood any more."  I said sure, and asked him where he worked. So, in the midst of that conversation, calling the police and reporting the incident completely slipped our minds! (yeah, kind of funny.. and kind of really sad, and pretty bad.. all rolled up into one interesting situation haha)  So I found out that his name is Jose and that he works at the Game Stop distribution center right by my house.  So I drove him to his work, he went in and got the night off, and I offered to drive him home (since his mother was asleep and he really had no other means of getting home.)  Turns out he lives in Keller, so off we went the way we came.

Well, as we got to the opposite side of the freeway from the wreck we realized "uh oh, there's a fire truck and police swarming the accident... WE FORGOT TO REPORT IT!"  haha.  So, I quickly exit and turn around.  We jog up to the police and apologize for not reporting it sooner, and give a brief explanation as to why.  Luckily he had his insurance on him, and we had gotten there before they towed his vehicle (though, the tow truck was already there).  We got everything sorted out and he got his case number, and back towards Keller we went.  Phew!

So, as we were driving I got to know him a bit better.  Turns out his mother works where my mom once worked (American Airlines SRO), I doubt they really knew anything of eachother though, my mom speaks english, his speaks spanish.  I also found out that he is a very spiritual and religious person, but he has a problem with preachers who take the words of the Bible and spin them into their own interpretation, and he has thusly lost all faith in "organized religion." He didn't say those words exactly, but they were very much implied through the words he did choose to use (which I can't recall perfectly at this moment in time.)  I thought about inviting him to church, but then thought better of it.  He has a lot on his mind right now and the last thing he probably wants is an invitation from a total stranger, which in turn might make my act of kindness simply a catalyst to an effort to "convert him" or what not.  We did talk about my faith, but not in very much detail.

So instead, when we got to his house, I gave him my name and number so that he could call me incase his insurance needed a witness for the claim.  I also told him that I'd be willing to drive him to work tomorrow if he so needs.  His shift starts at 11:30pm and I can easily get from my work to his house, and then to his work by then.  He thanked me for the offer, however he is first going to see if he can borrow his father's car tomorrow.  Regardless, I hope that my act of kindness has touched him in at least a small way.  He seems pretty jaded as far as "humanity" goes.  Hopefully I planted a seed.  We'll see if anything comes of this, small or grand, if so, I will definitely be updating a future blog with the news!

Beautiful to Him

Jacob 1:19

"And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own heads if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence; wherefore, by laboring with our might their blood might not come upon our garments; otherwise their blood would come upon our garments, and we would not be found spotless at the last day."

Today was Ward Council for the singles ward.  It was wonderful, and I learned a lot from it.  I love hearing president Manion speak, he is so inspiring, and he is such a great man.  He knows my family better than anyone, and the amount of love he has for my family brings such a spirit of peace and love to me.  I am so glad that I got to perform Jon Schmidt's 'A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief' today for sacrament meeting if not for any other reason than President Manion was in attendance.

However, tonight I feel impressed to write down some song lyrics that have helped to give me strength over the last few months:

Beatiful To Him by: Rachel Thibodeau

So much noise, so much peace destroyed,

I can hardly hear the voice, leading me through the void,

So much noise.

The world's little lies,

Destruction in disguise, opportunities to compromise,

To make me beautiful in their eyes,

But I'm not gonna buy the world's little lies.

'Cuz I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.

I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes,

Or what they say that beauty means,

It comes from within, 

I want to be beautiful to Him.

He's given me His trust, so I'll be strong enough,

To run from a dangerous touch, I don't need that kind of love,

I don't need that crutch, He's given me his trust.

I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.

I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes,

Or what they say that beauty means,

It comes from within,

I want to be beautiful to Him.

I know how to shine, my life's not really mine.

It's not about a worldly climb, it's all about His design.

So in His eyes, I want to shine.

'Cuz I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.

I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes,

Or what they say that beauty means,

It comes from within,

I want to be beautiful to Him.

I want to live to have His peace,

And feel the holiness He seeks.

It comes from within.

I want to be beautiful... to Him.

Forgiveness

2 Nephi 33:10

"...And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, and he hath given them unto me; and they teach all men that they should do good."

My mind, at this time in my life, is turned to a certain parable in the New Testament.  It is found in Matthew 18, verses 23-34.  It speaks about forgiving debts, and implies that debts be thought of as insults/trespasses/sins against us in life.  And if we have been forgiven our tespasses against Christ, then we have no place to stand in condemning others when the greater forgiveness lies in our favor.  The parable finishes by explaining that if we fail to forgive other people in this life, we must then be considered as unforgiven in the Lord's eyes, and must therefore pay for our sins when we otherwise would not have to.  The verse after the parable where Christ sums it up is the powerful part though, in my estimation.  It reads as follows:

"So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

As my mind is consumed with the topic of forgiveness, restitution, repentance, etc, I can't help but come to an understanding, after reading this scripture, that it really is our own loss if we can't find the strength, the humility, the love, to forgive everyone that offends us.  Whether it be a great offense or a small one.  The offense itself isn't what matters to the Lord, but the way in which we respond to it.  The way our heart looks at it.  The way in which we do or do not forgive the offender, an honest and sincere forgiveness, and not just lip service.  

And what do we do if we find ourselves unforgiven by our fellow man of offenses we have committed against them?  Well, the worst thing we can do is let their sin (the sin of unforgiveness) affect our own ability to forgive, our own ability to feel the spirit, our own ability to believe in others, our own ability to believe in ourself.  If we truly repent for our sins, make proper restitution (which many times requires the approval of the church), and truly separate ourselves from that sin in desire and in being consumed in the guilt, then there is no reason that we should let the unforgiving heart of someone else affect us in any way.  The Lord lets us know that we are forgiven by giving us a burning in our bosom when we pray about it.  The feeling of peace that overcomes us when we pray is nothing other than revelation, and it should not be taken lightly.  If God deems us worthy to be forgiven, we should be rejoicing, not questioning it. Questioning our status in the Lord's eyes after receiving the comfort of the Holy Ghost is nothing short of pride.

Interesting conundrum that we're apt to get into isn't it?  Our lack of ability to feel forgiven for a sin we've committed, ends up contrasting the very spirit that led us to repent in the first place, humility.  

"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Satan's War

2 Nephi 32:8-9

"And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul."

As I was reading Ben's blog (Ben is the husband of one of my cousins) I came across this quote given by the church:

Despite its popularity with some, much of today’s television entertainment shows an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, coarse humor and foul language. Big Love, like so much other television programming, is essentially lazy and indulgent entertainment that does nothing for our society and will never nourish great minds. Parents who are casual about their viewing habits ought not to be surprised if teaching moral choices and civic values to their children becomes harder as a result.For that reason and others, Church leaders have consistently cautioned against such entertainment, joining with other religious, education and government leaders in inviting individuals and families to follow a higher road of decency, self-discipline and integrity.

I have long had very similar thoughts.  And obviously you can say that same thing about a lot more "tv programming" than just the show 'Big Love.'  But what the church says here is undoubtedly true.  There are many things in life that can be either a positive OR a negative influence.  There are only 2 influences in life, a positive or a negative, there is no middle ground, ever.  And that has to do with far more than just the entertainment industry.  

Just like the scripture I opened with states, "for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray."  You either pray, or you don't.  There is no middle ground to prayer, you either do it or you don't.  Doing it is a positive thing, not doing it is a negative thing.  The way in which we use the technology at our hand is much, if not exactly, the same way.  

What type of music do we listen to?  When we listen to things that don't uplift us, why?

What type of television shows do we allow ourselves to watch?  Why?

What type of movies do we watch?  What are our movie standards? 

When we get on the internet, where do we let ourselves idly browse?

Do we listen to the words of the prophets, or do we just hear them?

Do we take notes in church/institute/seminary?  Why or why not?

What jokes do we find funny?  What does laughing at a crude joke really say about our character?

When we read the scriptures, are we more focused on story line or on subject matter?

Do we feast on them and dissect them and cross reference them? Or do we read them like we would a magazine?

When we get angry, what words do we think but don't say?  Why do we allow our thoughts to betray us?

In every single example here, there is zero middle ground.  There is either positive OR negative. No shades of grey, no room for compromise.  I'd wager that in pre-mortal life, we never had to struggle with any of this.  This is a mortal battle we are fighting, and one that will wage on until Christ comes again.  We can't risk letting our guard down, even for a moment.  

Could you imagine the feeling of pain and regret if you found yourself looking at something vile and degrading on the television, and then at that moment received a call to use the very priesthood that you have to benefit the life of another person?  How painful would that be?  

We are here to serve eachother and to help eachother along the path towards exaltation.  What is the point of this life if we are UNABLE to help?  If we don't take care of our own thoughts, words, deeds, how can we be expected to lift another?  No one makes it to the Celestial Kingdom alone, how agonizing would it be to know that you were unable to help your brother or sister along that journey?  Christ could have come to the earth, live a perfect life, and never performed a miracle.  His life still would have been perfect.  But his selfless acts of love, his miracles, his teachings and admonishings, those were his ways to lift us up.  Those were his ways to facilitate the progress of those around him (and all of mankind) towards the Father's presence.  What is our legacy going to be?  What are we going to do to help those around us.  If we don't take care of our personal worthiness, the answer is, unfortunately, nothing.

The Lord asks us to help His children on His own timetable.  If we pick and choose when we are available to help those around us, we are telling God that our timetable is better than His.  If we aren't ready when we are called, we may as well not have been called to do the work.

There is no middle ground, there is only positive or negative.  Don't get caught on the decline when you're needed in an uphill battle.

Spiritual Siblings

2 Nephi 31:19-20

"And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

Institute tonight, as always, was amazing.  It honestly has become the highlight of my week. Though tonight, for the first time since I've started attending institute, I think I was taught something that had nothing to do with the lesson that was far deeper and more penetrating to my soul than the lesson was.  The lesson was on prayer, more specifically about Elder Bednar's most recent talk on prayer (wonderful talk by the way, I reccomend looking it up on lds.org, powerful stuff).  But as the lesson was being started, sister Elmer mentioned something about Elder Bednar that struck me deeply.  She mentioned that he had an experience that revealed to him one of the "meanings for his life being at that time" referring to his being a facilitator for his father's baptism, and helping him to prepare for that moment in his life.

That got me thinking.  "Am I on earth at the very moment that I am for the purpose of helping any specific people in any specific way?"  And I couldn't help but answer the question with a yes. I won't go into the details of my answer, for they are not my place to share, but as I was pondering that a deep peace and a feeling of comfort came over me that testified to me that the way I have been conducting my life for the better part of the last year is equatable to something referred to as the ministry of angels.

As the lesson went on, brother Elmer hit on another doctrine that impacted me in a way other than he intended it to.  He was talking about how if when we pray, we pray to our Father in heaven, and that if He truly is our Father, we should be able to have real, sincere, conversation with Him.  And that if He is our father, we are all actual brothers and sisters.  Siblings in a very real sense of the word.  That got my mind racing even faster, back on the previous topic as well. If my friends here on earth are my siblings, and the other people my age are my siblings (spiritually speaking, and really, isn't the spiritual side of life the most important side anyways?), then aren't those who have come before also my siblings?  As well as those who have yet to be born?  Are we not ALL spiritual siblings?  That in and of itself wasn't the epiphany that I had. The thing that really got me thinking prompted me to write it down:

"Stages in life is all that separates humans, because we are literally all siblings."

I may start to ramble here, so bear with me... As human years go, we are all relatively the same age spiritually.  We all were in the pre-mortal existence, and we weren't in families then.  Which means that the family unit that we are so tied to here on earth is a new thing for our spirit to get accustomed to (As far as our earth family being more important to us than our spiritual family, which literally encompasses everyone).  So by extension, that means that our earthly parents, are literally our siblings as well!  It's easy for us to think that people of our generation are our siblings spiritually, but when we extend that to our parents, grandparents, and so forth, it seems a whole lot less "common" to our brain.  But the role of families is imperative to our exaltation, so there must be something to it other than a random chance that we were born into the familes we currently reside in.  

Maybe it's because God knew that we would be able to offer the members of our family something that we couldn't otherwise offer them if we weren't as temporally close to them as we are.  Something they NEED in order to make it back to our Heavenly Father's presence.  Maybe not something they need, but something that will more easily facilitate that journey.  

When people say that they learn something from their children, they really mean it.  Children are just as apt to teach adults as vice versa, after all Christ did admonish everyone to "be as a little child."  Maybe there's more to that statement than most people realize.  

But putting that aside, the chronology of mankind in relation to geneology is in my opinion no mistake.  Every person born into a family brings something to that family that no other soul could have.  And that will carry over into the eternities, as we make the journey to get there AS a family.  

Looking at the different stages in life, our role as adults is to teach those of future generations how to grow accustomed to life with a body, imperfection, repentance, things we didn't have to worry about before this life.  Sharing experiences, sharing wisdom, sharing knowledge, facilitating in every way possible your child's desire to once again feel the warmth of their Heavenly Father's embrace.  That's what this life is all about.  We are all siblings, we must all lift eachother up, especially those in our families.  Families are eternal.  There are no accidents in who your family is comprised of.

"I always want to be with my own family,

and the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord, has shown me how I can."

Dream Big

2 Nephi 30:8

"And it shall come to pass that the Lord God shall commence his work among all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, to bring about the restoration of his people upon the earth."

Well, for the first time in way too long (6, 7 years?), I went to the temple tonight and it was everything I hoped it would be.  I didn't get as much scripture study in as I would have liked because we were short on people, and it just didn't work out that way, but regardless, it was amazing.  Going there makes me want even more to partake of more of the blessings of the gospel and of the temple that I currently don't have.  Even if it turns out that the First Presidency decides that I can't serve a mission for my church, I believe that I will still get endowed as soon as possible. Honestly, I feel ready.  I'm no longer the boy that I used to be, I'm ready for the next stages of life, in every way, and progressing forward is the only way that I will grow both in spirituality and in character.  I can't wait for the day that going through the temple becomes as second nature as going to church.  Both will always be sacred, spiritual, and instructive things (to varying degrees obviously), but the comfortability with the culture of the temple, and the feelings that spill over from it into life, will be amazing.  Something that I hope to be able to draw strength from at any given time.

"And when you dream, dream big, as big as the ocean blue.

Cuz when you dream it might come true.

So when you dream, dream big."

I love that song, and it is so fitting with the way that I plan to tackle life.  In my mind, there is nothing in this life that is too much for me to take on.  Especially if I plan to succeed at anything I set my sights on, big or small.  I mean really, if you always take the easy route in life, if you always just take the course that presents itself, you'll never achieve anything that you would esteem of worth.  You will always be settling.  Your life will unfold infront of you without you really having much say in the matter, as opposed to you unfolding your own life in the ways in whicn you desire.

Much is the same with the gospel and righteous living.  If you always settle for just living in faith without taking much action in building up your own testimony, then the testimony you will be left with is that of those around you.  You will be buoyed up in the spirit only if those who are strong are near you.  However, once you have taken the gospel's truth into your own conscious thought, and figured out WHY truth is what it is... Once you begin striving to be stronger in the gospel each day, once you begin focusing on building your testimony as opposed to letting it simply flatline, that is when true strength will be realized and that's when you'll see your life blessed in ways you never thought imaginable.

Just like you can picture yourself in your dream job, driving your dream car, married to your dream spouse, with your dreamy future life...  So as well should you be able to see yourself in your dream "afterlife" and thusly be ever striving towards it.

Exciting News!

2 Nephi 29:9-11

"And I do this that I may prove unto many that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and that I speak forth my words according to mine own pleasure.  And because that I have spoken one word ye need not suppose that I cannot speak another; for my work is not yet finished; neither shall it be until the end of man, neither from that time henceforth and forever.

Wherefore, because that ye have a Bible ye need not suppose that it contains all my words; neither need ye suppose that I have not caused more to be written.

For I command all men, both in the east and in the west, and in the north, and in the south, and in the islands of the sea, that they shall write the words which I speak unto them; for out of the books which shall be written I will judge the world, every man according to their works, according to that which is written."

So far so good.  I'm doing my daily stretches first thing when I wake up.  And I went ahead and started off with 10 push-ups and 10 sit-ups in addition to my 25 jumping jacks each morning. That has really helped to get my day started, I can already feel the effects of it.  I feel more limber and less tense as the day goes on.  I think I just might keep this up! haha

Exciting news!  It looks as though I will be able to make both out of town trips this year that I have planned!  First, next weekend (superbowl weekend as it is commonly known) I will be in Utah visiting Rachel as well as some of my extended family (the Lombardis and whomever else I happen to run into whilst I'm there!).  I plan on doing temple work in the Salt Lake City Temple, since I'll be right there, I have a current temple reccomend (finally!) and I have never even been inside of that temple!  Oh I'm so excited!  

After that Rachel and I are planning to go see a play called "Thoroughly Modern Millie."  I have never heard of it, but I trust her taste so I'm sure it will be great.  After that, Jon Schmidt just happens to be performing at the Wilkinson at BYU, so I guess we'll have to go see him play!  Oh I can't wait!  Sunday, my Aunt Taunia is throwing a superbowl party, and Rachel and I have been invited, so I look forward to going to that, hopefully a good amount of my family will be there, I miss them so much.  I feel like I used to know my cousins so well, but since I haven't been to Utah in ages, we have unfortunately lost touch.  Not sure what the plans for monday are as of yet, but I'm sure we'll come up with something.  I'm so looking forward to this trip, time really needs to speed up so it will be here already!

More exciting news!  From March 15th through March 29th, I will (hopefully, most likely?) be half way across the world in Brunei!  I am so looking forward to the experience of being in the Phillipines.  Travelling through whichever connecting cities we hit will be amazing as well!  But the most special part of the trip will be getting to spend time with my sister and her lovely family for the better part of 2 weeks.  I miss them so much, they are such wonderful people.  I look at her family and I hope and pray that my family, whenever I get to starting one, will be half as happy, righteous, and lovely as hers is.  That family truly is an inspiration to me.  I love you guys!  My camera is going to get a lot of love over there!

I thank the Lord each and every day for the wonderful people He has put into my life.  I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for them and the guiding influence and light.  I love my family and those that are closest to me so much, I really do hope and pray that we all stay close and eternally connected in the world to come.  

Wednesday

Tonight there were 2 passages that struck me to the point that I couldn't choose between them, so I chose both!

2 Nephi 28:4-6

"And they shall contend one with another; and their priests shall contend one with another, and they shall teach with their learning, and deny the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance.

And they deny the power of God, the Holy One of Israel; and they say unto the people: Hearken unto us, and hear ye our precept; for behold there is no God today, for the Lord and the Redeemer hath done his work, and he hath given his power unto men;

Behold, hearken ye unto my precept; if they shall say there is a miracle wrought by the hand of the Lord, believe it not; for this day he is not a God of miracles; he hath done his work."

2 Nephi 28:27-29

"Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more!

And in fine, wo unto all those who tremble, and are angry because of the truth of God!  For behold, he that is built upon the rock receiveth it with gladness; and he that is built upon a sandy foundation trembleth lest he shall fall.

Wo be unto him that shall say: We have received the word of God, and we need no more of the word of God, for we have enough!"

I grow more and more excited for Wednesday as each day passes.  It has been so long since I have felt the wonderous feelings that can be felt in the temple.  I can still remember going as a young adult, vividly.  I can still remember those feelings.  Nothing compares to them. Everything is clearer there, everything is easier to understand there, everything is more easily put into perspective there.  

There is so much in my life right now that seems to be confusing.  So much seems like such an important choice that could take my life down one path or the other, and once I'm commited to one path, it is impossible to reverse that path.  Just when these decisions seem to be rearing their heads, I feel myself desiring to take control and figure out what the best decisions are on my own accord, because they effect ME.  And this is precisely when I need to remember to include the Lord in my decision-making process.  I can not think that my timetable is better than His.  I can not think that I am wiser in my own life-choices than He is.  Is there anything more arrogant to think than that?  God knows what is best for me far more so than I do.  I need to continue taking it one day at a time, and continue including the Lord in all of my decisions, both life-changing and minute.  Taking life one step at a time is really the only way to do it.  And then when you look back at how your life has unfolded is the only way to really gain perspective on how it might unfold in the future.  And if you have included the Lord in your decisions day by day, how wonderful looking back on your life will be!

I pray for the strength to remember the Lord in all of my decisions, both big and small.  He truly loves me, and He wants what is best for me.  I guess I can trust in His omnisciense and omnipotence... until I gain those qualities at least.  =P

Ah, wednesday... 

Benjamin Franklin

2 Nephi 27:23

"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."

Well, today I have made even more commitments to improve my life in numerous ways.  Hopefully, with the help of the Lord, my famiy, and my friends I will be successful in doing so.  The commitments are:

• In addition to my current reading & blogging, I am going to also read 1 chapter out of the New Testament daily.
• Watch 1 CES video of a talk with my family each week.
• Go on splits with the missionaries at least once per month.  Hopefully that will become once per week.
• Increase the amount of classical music that I listen to in order to bring peace and rest to my mind in more abundance.
• Go to my lunch with my mother once a month, just the 2 of us.
• Stretch every morning.
• Do 25 jumping jacks every morning (I may add stomach crunches and pushups in the near future).
• Eat fruit with every meal.
• Continue not drinking any form of soda.
• Eat one salad per week.
• Get an adjustment from my brother (Chriopractor) every thursday morning.
• Go to my parent's church meetings (the whole 3-hour block) every week in addition to my own meetings.

What brought all of this about?  Well, doing the last one is what.  I decided that I was going to go to church with my parents today, and in Sunday School (taught by Sister Reynolds) we discussed ways to increase our spiritual, mental, and physical wellness.  It was a wonderful lesson that brought about ways to set easy goals (relatively anyways) that can better your life.  Really though, if you add up the time commitment that all of that entails on a weekly basis that's roughly 4 hours or so added to the entire week.  That's really not that much extra time thrown in there, especially when the only time commitments I currently have are work, church, institute, and a monthly temple attendance.  This really should be simple, but it will do me no good if I don't follow through with it.

Speaking of attending church with my parents, it was wonderful.  I got to see a lot of faces that I haven't seen in a while, or if I have seen them it was merely in passing and very infrequent.  I really enjoyed being able to interact with an older and more mature crowd than I usually do, and still being able to contribute to discussions and not be lost in the loftier topics that were discussed.  There are a lot of people that I have such a deep love for in my parent's ward, I really do think that I will enjoy going every week with them.  I know how much my parents loved me being there as well, it felt wonderful to be spiritually fed while my beloved mother and father were right next to me.  Walking into priesthood opening exercises with my father, and sitting down together brought back such fond memories.  When I was younger though, I would only be able to sit next to him after first playing the piano for everyone, but that won't be the case any longer in that ward.  :)

If nothing else, it gives me more time to be near my parents in a spiritual setting, and really, there is not much (if anything) that is better and more uplifting than that.  Seeing my parents as strong and faithful and loving as they are after all that my family has been through, is such a source of strength to me.  It proves to me that so long as it's a righteous endeavor, there is nothing I can't accomplish, no struggle too great, no trial too difficult, with the support of those near and dear to me, all things truly are possible.  So really why shouldn't I be able to add such simple yet uplifting things to my daily/weekly/monthly routines?  Why shouldn't I be able to get through my next day simply because I may not have gotten "enough sleep" the night before? What really can be so hard as to actually defeat me in an emotional and spiritual manner?  

Benjamin Franklin once set out to live a "perfect life."  I think he went about it the wrong way.  I have an upper hand on him in my quest, my family.

"The World"

2 Nephi 26:23-24, 28

"For behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you that the Lord God worketh not in darkness.

He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him.  Wherefore he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness?  Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden."

Do we really understand who we are?  The potential we have?  Not just our potential to rise to any situation here on earth, but eternally and immortally.  Do we really understand what is at stake here on earth, the choices we make, the people we become, the values we obtain, the standards we truly take to heart?

I have noticed myself using the word truly a lot lately, it just dawned on me.  But I think there is a reason.  It has something to do with the blog I wrote a month or so ago about actually being who you claim to be, and not faking it.  We must truly be converted to the TRUE gospel of Christ.  When we are truly converted, it becomes almost easy.  Once the principles of the gospel are no longer "nice ideas" but things that we truly take to heart, we will simply find ourselves exemplifying them without much extra effort beyong that which we actually desire to do.  When we start making righteous choices because that's what we truly believe to be the correct choices for us, both as mortals and as immortal spirits, that's when our spirit starts simling and when we truly feel in touch with God and what He wants for us.  When we truly become Christ-like.  

"Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God.  Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world."

Something I just noticed about that scripture.  "...for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies..."  Our body is merely a tabernacle for our spirit.  We can not attain the glory we so desire without our bodies.  That being said, getting used to a body and the carnal desires that lies innate is basically the point of this life.  Overcoming those base desires and getting our bodies to desire the same things that our intial spirits desires.  If we lose the battle and end up letting our bodies teach our spirits what to want, that's how we'll be forever.  This life is not something to be taken lightly. 

It always helps me put this life into perspective when I think about the eon's of time we have existed as spirit beings before this world was even created, and the eon's of time we will yet exist, as people WITH bodies.  If you can get your brain around that concept, it shows you how truly unimportant the small, everyday decisions of this life are.  If we successfully make every choice in this life with the knowledge that it could possibly have ramifications for the rest of our immortal existances... I perceive that far more righteous choices would be made.  

Why is it so hard for us to concentrate on the eternities?  Possibly because our mind is more focused on the here and now, the "what is good for me right now" aspect of life.  We get thinking about small things that we feel matter in the here and now (like work, life-responsibilities, bills, movies, random entertainment, sports, games, etc) and it gets us off track quite easily.  I do believe that I will start praying for the Lord to help me keep the Celestial Kingdom, not in the back of my mind, but in the forefront of my mind with every life-choice that I make.  Teaching ourselves to have an eternal perspective on life in all things is really what this life is all about. Making time for the little things (the spiritual little things) like reading the scriptures daily, not watching questionable shows, not putting yourself in questionable environements.  

Staying so far away from the influence of "the world" that you start forgetting what it's like to bask in its appeal.  If you can distance yourself from the pull of "the world" for a good amount of time, the next time you are tempted by it, the easier it will be to resist because the less natural for you it will feel.  Keeping yourself in tune with things that are spiritual as often as possible (uplifting music, reading the scriptures, going to as many church meetings and activities as possible, uplifting friends, etc) help keep you distanced from "the world" and help to edify not only your actions but your thoughts and base desires.  Because really, are we going to have "the world" around after we die?  So what's the point of getting used to the world that we live in today?

We must live in the world without living of the world.

Forward Thinking

2 Nephi 25:26

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

I love the scriptures.  I cannot think of a better way to start and end a day than to read and ponder on them.  That verse is so beautiful, so powerful.  Christ really is my everything.  I cannot think of a better way for an older brother so set the example of pure love and righteous action.  I aspire every day to be more like him.  I can't wait to teach my future children about him and about his wonderful plan for us.

This may not mean much to more than just one certain person that I know reads this, but know this now, I will be praying every day about my "forward thinking."  I hope and pray that you will do the same.  :)

Paraphernalia

2 Nephi 24:12-15

"How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!  Art thou cut down to the ground, which did weaken the nations!

For thous has said in thy heart: I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above that of the stars of God; I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north;

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the Most High.

Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit."

Satan has such lofty goals.  Such might aspirations.  Yet, he is destined to fail.  So, if we can only serve one master, why would we choose Satan in any form he chooses to present himself to us in?  We know that Christ's way is God's way, and we know that His way is also the higher law, a better and more fulfilling way to live one's life.  Satan wanted to enslave us and force us all to do things his way.  No room for growth, no room for improvement.. sounds a lot like falling short of the Celestial Kingdom doesn't it?

I can't imagine the internal torment I might possibly feel if I fail to reach the Celestial Kingdom.  We are immortal, we will live throughout the eternities.  My GOODNESS that is hard to imagine.. yet it is true.  Why oh why would we risk the rest of our immortal lives by playing with fire here on earth?  This blip of time in comparison with the rest of our existance is so important, but every day people (including me) make choices that lead them down the path away from exaltation and eternal life.  Is it really so hard to keep that goal in mind with every breath we take?  Something of such great magnitude and importance to our eternal life should be on the forefront of our thoughts every waking moment.  Every choice we make should have that end goal in mind.  It astounds me that it is so difficult, yet the most wonderful people in the world continue to sin daily, and I am no exception.  

I hope I will be able to attain Celestial glory, and I hope that I will meet every last one of my loved ones there as well.  Infact, I should be doing everything in my power to help them make it there, because it wouldn't be the same without them.

Anyways, my day today was a great day.  I always try to make the most of my days off of work, and I made today all about quality time with people that I love.  I took two of my nieces (Mary and Kaelyn, Dean's daughters) over to one of my greatest friend's house to play on the wii and hang out.  Garrett has a twelve year old brother that is Mary's age, so I figured they would enjoy eachother's company as friends, and sure enough everyone got a long swimmingly and we all had a ton of fun!  After that it got to be time to venture home and get ready for institute.  

YAY institute!  I have so missed that for the last month or so.  It is so uplifting to me.  I really don't know what I would do if I had to go another week without the edification that it brings to my spirit.  I love the Elmer's, they are such wonderful people and I thank God for putting them in my life as my institute teachers.  I hope that I continue to keep them in my life long after they are called to serve God in another fashion.

After institute Garrett and I decided to go back to his place and watch The Princess Bride.  He and his sister Cierra had never watched the whole move, and that had to be remedied.  That is almost blasphemy seeing how the movie is 21 years old! (Older than either of them! haha)  Though, I fear that I will pay for that decision tomorrow as I work at 9am, and it is now after 1am.  Though, a commitment is a commitment and here I am typing away.

Doing this blog/journal has brought such wonderful peace to my soul, I cannot thank the Lord enough for inspiring me to do this.  

Christ Lives

2 Nephi 23:11

"And I will punish the world for evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; I will cause the arrogancy of the proud to cease, and will lay down the haughtiness of the terrible."

So, today was a very interesting day.  I went to bed around when has become my usual bedtime (unfortunately) but was awoken far before my alarm was set to go off by a phone call (3:20am).  I looked at the caller ID and it was my best friend, Stephen.  So I quickly answered, and after talking to him briefly, could tell he was in a state of shock.  Out of his privacy I won't go into details but I will suffice to say that he was in need of a friend, and I agreed to meet him at Waffle House shortly thereafter.  I arrived first, and shortly thereafter was met by Stephen, Craig, and JB.  So, we all sat at Waffle House, got breakfast.. and kept Stephen's mind off of what had happened.  We were there for him, and that's exactly what he needed.  I am glad that I have his friendship, he is very dear to me, I couldn't imagine a better friend than him.  Stephen, I love you bud.

So, around 5am we figured it was a good time to leave, and we all went our separate ways.. mine led me straight back to my bed.  I woke up around 11am (was planning on 10am.. but I was interrupted, so I slept in a little bit) in time to help my mom with some yard work.  We worked til about noon raking up leaves and trimming down dead plants, getting ready for what we're expecting to be the winter freeze (maybe we shouldn't hold our breaths until around March eh?)  So, I didn't get to go around the community talking to my neighbors, but I figured helping my own mother out around the house was a fine excuse.  :)

Afterwards, I finally got done playing phone tag with Rachel, and we had a wonderful conversation, something that I hope we can do more often.  She really is a special woman, one that I aspire to emulate (well.. in most ways.. I don't pull off "being a woman" very well so I've been told).

Then it came time to get ready to work, so I hurriedly threw on my uniform and made my 30 minute (without traffice) journey to Lake Worth.  

My days seem to be more eventful than they have been in the recent past.  Maybe that's because I don't consider "reading and/or playing rock band" to be anything noteworthy, or maybe it's because I am finding more fulfillment in what I spend my time doing nowadays.  In trying to become more Christlike I am noticing things about me change for the better, and maybe that's what I am finding to be worthy of noting in my journal (er.. blog).  

So, what has been on my mind for the better portion of the day has been a quote that I read on a dear friend of mine's blog (Garrett Roberts).  The quote is of W. N. Taylor, and it reads:

"Temptation rarely comes in working hours.  It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred."

That really got me thinking.  I realized that when my mind is actively pursuing something, anything really, I am very rarely tempted to be doing something I shouldn't be doing.  Even my thoughts seem to stay on the straight and narrow path when I am actively engaged in wholesome activities.  For that is truly how we combat Satan and his pernicious lies.  If we simply don't give him the time of day, he has no chance.  If we are constantly engaged in righteous activities, and are honestly enjoying the work we are doing, then we had nowhere to go but down the path of righteousness that leads towards the Celestial Kingdom.

But what about those leisure hours that all men have, no matter how busy they are?  Well, as Brother Taylor notes, that is when we are made or marred.  It isn't difficult to keep your mind occupied with spiritual thoughts when you are keeping your body occupied with spiritual and uplifting activites.  However, it is increasingly more difficult to make sure that your mind is occupied by only righteous thoughts when your leisure time rears its head.  Hours spent mindlessly on the computer, infront of the tv, on a computer or video game, fishing, etc.  It is during those hours that we come to a knowledge of who we truly are. 

This links back to my short blog where I mentioned the need to be inner-driven.  When you are inner-driven, you don't need to worry about leisure time because your thoughts will not differ from the times you are staying active.  When you are inner-driven (at least inner-driven towards righteousness) your make up truly changed to that of Christ-like attributes.  You become patient, long-suffering, charitable, honest, etc.  You stand up for what is right because it becomes second nature to you.  And (maybe most importatly of all) your thoughts do not stray from that which is good and holy.  Your mind is constantly engaged in wholesome thoughts and it ponders on things that help your spirit and your body grow harmoniously.  

If you, however, are not inner-driven, your thoughts tend to stray far and wide.  You become a creature of your environment.  Whatever you allow to cross the path of your neurons has a greater chance to draw your entire attention to it, whether you like it or not.  If you lack the inner strength to become who you set out to be, then you will lack the inner strength to control what you let invade your mind and become what you dwell on.  At least that has been my experience.

It's interesting to me that we truly can become whomever we truly desire to be.  A year ago today, I was such a different person.  I wanted to be a "ladies man" per se, I wanted to have wordly possession this and wordly possession that.. I wanted to be everything *I* could become without anyone's help.  I didn't need anyone's direction in my life.  I was me.

Today, I am a completely different person.  I am putting others first, I am putting the Lord first in my life, I am following a routine that builds me both physically and spiritually (as well as mentally I've come to notice) in hopes that it will make me more Christ-like.  And ever since I have been on this path, I have received more positive reinforcement and positive reactions to what my life has become than my "former life" ever acquired.  I can't imagine my life being much better than it is right now, and I have my "inner-driven-towards-Christ self" to thank for that.  

Christ is still working miracles to this day.  I am living, breathing, walking proof of that.

My Service Adventure

2 Nephi 22:2

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation."

Well, today I took my own challenge that I discussed last night.  As I was praying last night, an impression came over me to go out among my community and offer my service as an able bodies young man to help out where I could.  So I took to the streets and went door knocking.  It was hard to get myself out the door intially, but then I rememberd the words "I will trust, and not be afraid" followed by "Doubt not, fear not."  

So I went to my neighbor's house first.  I knocked once, twice, and then I saw her come to the window.  However, all she did was peel back the curtains, look at me.. and then she walked away without so much as answering the door.  (I thought to myself: I was wearing a hoodie! I didn't look like a missionary! haha.)  Anyways, that discouraged me a little bit since my immediate neighbors were those who I want to extend my arm to the most.  However, I took it as the source of a test and dedication, so to the next door I went.  Doing this at 11am or so, I wasnt expecting too many people to be home, but since I work nights and due to the fact that I didn't want to go too early and catch people not awake, that's the time I chose.  No one was home at the next few doors, but I arrived at a house that had people in it!  A man answered the door, he seemed of Middle Eastern dissent..possibly Indian.. I'm bad with ethnicities haha, and his house smelled of curry.. it was wonderful!  Anyways, I introduced myself and asked for his name.  He replied that his name was Debaus (or however you spell it.. sounds like DeBoss haha).  I told him why I had knocked on his door, that I was simply out and about meeting my neighbors and was wondering if there was any help around his house or whatever that I could help him out with.  He couldn't think of anything at that very moment, but he did take my name and number in case anything came up.  I thanked him for his time and went about my way.

Success!! Someone answered the door and was cordial!  That gave me a little burst of energy and a bounce to my step.

So onward I went.  The next person that answered the door was a lady named Sharon.  (Apparently her last name is stamps as I saw a box addressed to "Dr Stamps" whom I can only assume to be her husband that she spoke of.)  Anyways, she answered the door and I introduced myself to her.  She said something along the lines of "oh wonderful! yes, I imagine that I would be able to use your help here and there, my husband is often at work when I need heavy things around the house lifted and such, however there is nothing right now I could use your help with."  I was elated.  We briefly got to know eachother.  I learned that she has a daughter that is at LSU and is a junior.  She seemed very eager to add in the comment that her daughter was there when LSU won the football championship.  :)  I left after a few minutes of chit chat and also left her with my name and number.

I couldn't believe people were receiving me so openly (when they actually answered the door! haha).  It was a wonderful wonderful feeling!

The very next door was answered as well!  It was a man named Mitch who seemed pleased to meet me.  He also seemed eager to take down my information and mentioned needing help with "painting the entire exterior of the house, which needs to be done soon."  I informed him that I would happily help him out with that, and added that I work nights, so any help would need to be in the morning.  He seemed very happy to hear my response.  Then he asked me something interesting.  "So, you're looking for work?  How much would you be looking for?"  I quickly put 2 and 2 together and realized that people aren't used to service, and that most people have their own financial or personal benefit in mind when offering a helping hand.  That saddened me briefly and I quickly corrected his thoughts by saying "oh I'm not looking for money out of this, I'm just out to help my neighbors and my community.  I actually work full time at Chickfil-A, I simply don't have much to do in the morning and would love to help you out with anything I can during the day."  (or something along those lines.)  He seemed astounded at that prospect and eargerly wrote down my information.  

That got me even more excited to meet more people!

Around the corner I went to meet some more neighbors.  I met a man named Eric who works from home.  He has a speech impediment which made conversation interesting, but he seemed to be a really nice guy, insisting that I not call him sir and use his name instead.  

Further down the street I ran into a guy named Don.  He seemed very capable of handling any "house work" that I may be offering to help with, but I asked nonetheless.  He also was eager to write down my information and then offered a bit of advice to me.  He mentioned that our neighborhood has a website that I could go onto and post information about what I was up to and that I might get more visibility that way.  Though he added that he thought me going door to door was a wonderful way to go about my goals as well.  I thanked him for the advice and told him I'd look into it.  (I later pulled up the website and it turns out he's one of the officers on the neighborhood committee, interesting.)

As I left his house I noticed someone across the street working on a project involving saws and wood.  So I ventured over to introduce myself and to see if I could help.  His name is Roland, and he thanked me for my offer but informed me that what he was working on was pretty much a one-man job.  I didnt pry but instead offered to leave him my information incase he wants my help with any future projects.  He was more than willing to take down my information, but then he asked me that same question.  "What kind of money are you looking for?"  I chuckled and told him that all I was looking for was the chance to help out and be of service.  He also seemed taken aback by my response, but didn't press the issue.  Again, I felt elated.

I ventured back to Arbor Oak and decided to hit the other side.  It was about noon at this point and I needed to get back home to get ready for work.  There was a grandma that was home that answered the door.  She didn't seem too interested in my service, however she mentioned that she knew my parents, but wasn't aware they had a boy my age.  I told her that if she ever sees my car parked by our house (her house has a wonderful view of our house haha) that I am most likely home and that she is welcome to ask me for anything she may need help with.  That seemed to satisfy her apparent desire for me to leave for whatever reason.  And so I went about my way.

The final house that I went to was our across the street neighbors the Davenports.  As I walked up their walkway they were apparently on their way out.  "Hey there, how's it going?"  They greeted me warmly and asked what I was up to.  I told them that I was out and about, and since their children were grown (my age and older) and no longer around as often if at all, that I'd be willing to help them with anything they might need help with.  They were completely shocked.  And after I pre-empted their almost certain question about compensation, Bill's heart seemed to swell and he gave me a wonderful wonderful compliment.  His reaction completely filled my heart as well.  I really hope they take me up on my offer of service because they are such wonderful people.  There is almost nothing they could ask me to do that I wouldn't be overjoyed to help them out with.  

I then returned home to get ready for work and play the piano a little bit before I left.  A day well spent!  And it all took barely more than an hour!  An hour!  Really?  That has to be one of my most fulfilling days in a long long time, and it took barely more than an hour!  

I can't wait to get back out there tomorrow and meet more of my neighbors and extend a helping hand in my quest to become Christ-like.  

2 Nephi 25:26

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

Pure Love and Service

2 Nephi 21:4

"But with righteousness shall be judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meed of the earth; and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked."

So, I got thinking the other day about something that seems to be a recurring theme amongst those in my church who have served full-time missions: unparalleled love for the people in the area in which they served.  They spend 2 years of their lives doing nothing but serving and preaching the gospel to the people in the area in which they are called to go.  In doing so, they come to love them so greatly that often times, they don't want to leave, wishing they could just stay there and continue serving and teaching.  

You could say that would mirror Christ's ministry on the earth.  Numerous times he testifies of his love for the people of Jerusalem.  I can imagine witnessing the influence you have on others being a direct reason for people to grow and change their lives for the better can create an attachment and a certain type of love for them.  I can't think of anyone who had more influence on others' lives than Christ.  Which can kind of give me an appreciation for the love these "return missionaries" have for the people they served for so long.

But as I was pondering on that phenomenon, a thought came to my mind, and I wrote it down.  "If people develop an extreme love for those in the area they are called to serve a mission, why can't we love people from our home town just as much?"

Really, why can't we?  What is stopping us from doing as much good on our own as we can for those in our immediate neighborhoods and communities?  We don't have to be called by a prophet of God in order to serve our fellow man.  All it takes is simple charity and pure love.  If a missionary can do so much good and develop such an accute love for people within a 2 year period.. think how much good we could do and how much love we could ascertain given the chance to live within the same community for 5, 10, 15 years?  

Why do we need a suit (or dress) and a name tag to be able to muster up the courage to share our beliefs with those we surround ourselves with daily?  Do we fear rejection?  Are we ashamed for what we believe in?  Are we afraid that, if questioned, we won't know the answer?  Are we unsure of our own testimony and our own ability to testify of the truth to those who we might actually care about?  If so, we have some work to do on our own ability to overcome fear [interesting.. see last night's blog..].

Doubt not, fear not.

Why do missionaries develop such a love?  Because they go through a process.  First they come to an understanding of what it is exactly they believe, they gain an unshakable testimony.  Second, they overcome their fear of men and go out and teach and testify.  Because that's really what it is.  We have ALL been commanded to spread the gospel, not just missionaries.  So if we don't do so who do we fear more, men or God?  Third, they gain strength from their testimonies.  The more you share your testimony, the stronger it becomes.  Through that strength they are able to testify with more clarity and confidence.  By doing so they become closer to their Heavenly Father which brings them happiness.  By making them happier and full of joy they come to more closely resemble their Heavenly Father.  Being more resembling of our Heavenly Father fills us with love and charity, the pure love of Christ.  Once we have that pure love, we can't help but love those around us.  

So, maybe that's the key to truly loving everyone around us.  By being charitable.  By doing His will (sharing the gospel).  By "being in the service of our fellow man."  Because if we refuse to serve our fellow man, what are we really saying?  We're saying that we see no need to serve them or that we have no desire to serve them.  That's basically saying that we don't love them, that we don't see them as our brothers and sisters which we know them to be.  If my sister lived next door, I hope I would love her enough to help her with anything she needed my aid for, and hopefully I'd offer to do even more than she'd ask me to do.  She's my sister, I love her.  

I'll end my thoughts tonight with a scripture comparison.

You can easily come to the conclusion that verses 35 and 36 are acts of service, and verses 37-40 are self explanatory.

Matthew 25:34-40

34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundaiton of the world:

35 For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger and ye took me in:

36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison and ye came unto me.

37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and cloted thee?

39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

That scripture is further explained by a passage from the Book of Mormon.

Mosiah 2:16-17

16 Behold, I say unto you that because I said unto you that I had spent my days in your service, I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God.

17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

So we can come to the assumption from these 2 passages of scripture that by serving those around us, we are serving God.  So why the hesitation to do so?  We can also extend that assumption to the inverse.  If we are NOT serving our fellow beings, we are NOT serving God, despite God's own admonition, even His command, that we do so.

I present the following scripture to bring the point home.

Matthew 6:24

"No man can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.  Ye cannot serve God and mammon."