Mysterious Ways

Alma 5:14-19

"And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body rasied in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?

I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?

Or do ye imagine to yourselves that ye can lie unto the Lord in that day, and say - Lord, our works have been righteous works upon the face of the earth - and that he will save you?

Or otherwise, can ye imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse, having a remembrance of all your guild, yea, a perfect remembrance of all your wickedness, yea, a remembrance that ye have set at defiance the commandments of God?

I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?"

It's interesting how the Lord works. I have firm faith that when he closes one door, he invariably opens another - or more. I checked my BYU-application status tonight when I got home from hanging out with Meagan, Beth, Jordan, Savannah, and Travis at Chili's after work. I have checked it at least once a day for the last week now.. and tonight I finally saw a message other than "completed."  The message that was in it's place was simply:

Denied

I.. was shocked. A feeling came over me that I had not experienced in quite some time. But as my thoughts turned away from the sorrow that I would not be attending BYU, and on to life here in Grapevine, an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort came over me. 

So many wonderful things have been happening in my life lately. I was honestly contemplating not going simply because I felt as though I needed to be here, and more than anything, this reaffirms that feeling that I had. Thinking about it logically, there is no reason that I should have been denied enrollment at BYU. My grades are good enough, I have family that went there, I have good ecclesiastical recommendations, and everything was in on-time. But, that school is led by the Lord - which leads me to only one conclusion: The Lord needs me to stay here - or at least he doesn't need me in Utah. I have considered re-applying for future semesters or what not, but the story of Martin Harris and the Book of Lehi immediately comes to my head.. and I'd rather not have anything to do with that.

I have made amazing progress in my life over the last year, and it only seems fitting that I should continue that progress here - to continue to develop myself as well as to see through what leaving would have deemed "unfinished business." The thought and idea of leaving has prompted me to do and say things that I probably would not have otherwise gone through with - maybe this was my kick in the butt to stop being reserved, and to say and do the things that I should despite what I may think my future holds in store for me.

This has become an exercise in faith more than anything now - which draws my mind towards Ether 12:6

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

That, I must honestly say, has been the hardest thing for me to trust. I am so caught up in making my own "straight and narrow path" that I lose sight on the doctrine of faith. I assume that because I am living righteously, and have a decent brain, that things should just make sense, and that those things which I perceive to be "obvious"... don't end up happening. I find myself trusting more in my own personal promptings, than I do making sure that I'm in tune with the spirit, and ready and willing to do the things that I am prompted to do.

Maybe this is all just an exercise in humility. A joke the Lord is playing on me to bring me down a notch, to show to me that he really is the one that is in control - and yet that he still knows what is best for me. Well, I am reminded of a talk given in General Conference this last October given by Elder Wirthlin. He spoke of things in his life that happened, many of which most people would find very upsetting. One example was a road trip he was on, in which they found themselves hundreds of miles away from their destination, in the wrong direction, because of a wrong turn they had taken a few hours back. Instead of moping and complaining, he and his fellow travellers found humor in the experience, and made the best of it. 

Not going to BYU is nothing that I am going to let myself get down about. Rather, I need to find how to make the best of the situtation, learn, and grow from it - and use this experience to make myself a better individual, in as many ways as I can think of. It's time to continue down the path that I have been paving for myself, and to simply leave this in the past where it belongs.

I look forward to tomorrow, and to all the days that will follow - with a steadfast faith AND trust in Christ - despite the mysterious ways in which he works (haha).